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When giving someone a baby shower shouldn't it reflect them more than you and your ideas?

Oct 14th, 2009 by mupar | 8

When giving someone a baby shower shouldn't it reflect them more than you and your ideas?

My sister is expecting her 1st baby in late spring. My mother and her MIL are going to throw a shower for her in April. My mother is basically giving me the money, but I am going to be in charge of getting half of the party organized with my sister's MIL. My mother doesn't really want to be involved in all the work of it (like finding a place to have it, picking out decorations etc). My sister sort of mentioned to me how happy she would be if we could incorporate some of her personality into the shower. She isn't really a traditional person and doesn't like everything all pink and storky. Her husband and her are into more goth type things, although they aren't really gothic or anything, just their tastes are. They like skulls and gargoyles and Living Dead Doll collectibles and that sort of thing. I brought this up to my mother who would have none of it. I tried explaining to her that this was not about her, but about my sister and her day and memories of that day.

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8 Comments on “When giving someone a baby shower shouldn't it reflect them more than you and your ideas?”

  1. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    I agree with the people who said that you should do some traditional decorations but incorporate the things your sister likes. Since your mother gave you the money and told you she doesn't want to be involved in the planning, don't ask her opinion. It's your sister's day and I think you're doing a good thing wanting it to be memorable for her. Maybe insead of pastel colors you could do darker colors? Or instead of pink do a dark purple? That way it's still a feminine color but it's a color your sister might like better.
    Also, I have to disagree with the person who told you that it shouldn't be thrown by family members. Miss Manners can say whatever she wants, but I think that advice is a little outdated. Every baby shower I've been to, with the exception of those held at work for co-workers, have been thrown by family members. I've never heard of it being in bad taste.
  2. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    Yes, the shower should be about the one who is having the baby.
    To make it easy, find a nice restaurant and have a luncheon. It can be sit down or buffet, whatever you can afford.
    The only decoration needed are some flowers.
    With 50+ people , you will need some sort of theme besides baby. Don't make it too goth, just simple elegant.
    No pink or storks.
    No stupid baby games .
    Just a sophisticated lunch with some fun and friends.
  3. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    I think you are absolutely right…the shower is for the expectant mother and if that is what she would like I would do that. Since your mom doesn't want to be bothered making any arrangements and has left you in charge of things then you should go ahead and do what you think your sister would like.
  4. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    My feeling is that your guests won't appreciate a Goth Shower even if it would be the highlight of your sister's personality. Let her throw her own Goth party.

    My suggestion is to stick with the traditional, but add some dimensions of Goth to her shower (some darker colors). Incorporate any Goth into one item. Maybe the cake (example below) with color coordinating streamers.

    While I'm a baby blue/baby pink person, I threw a shower for a gal who loved bold colors and loved her pickup and ordered a cake with primary colors and a truck ornament. Matching streamers and computer generated signs helped to finish it. Used crayons to do the color on the signs.

  5. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    you are right. the shower should reflect your sister and the things she likes. since your mom had decided she doesn't really want to be involved in the planning and has given you the money to make purchases, i say go with what you know would make your sister happiest. your mom will eventually get over the shower not being the way she thinks it should and your sister will have amazing memories of the day, complete with little mementos she can display because they are things geared towards her taste rather than someone elses idea of what a baby shower should look like.
  6. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    I think you're perfectly right. It is about making it special for my friends.

    My mom and aunts and best friend went nuts trying to find baby decorations/presents/cakes etc. with turtles on them (I collect turtles and have since I was a little kid). It made my shower even more special because they had gone out of their way to find something I loved.

    Maybe you could compromise with your mother… don't do a "goth" shower, but try to use darker colors and less "froofy" decorations. I understand your mom's reluctance to have a skulls and gargoyles baby shower (especially if other relatives or friends of hers are invited) but I also think you're right that your sister should have a shower that's right for her.

    I don't know why the person above me said that relatives shouldn't throw baby showers. The Emily Post Guide to Etiquette makes no stipulation about this and I've never heard such a thing. Half the showers I've been to have been hosted by the pregnant woman's mother and her best friend.

    I was going to write a whole response to the persons "edit" about relatives holding showers, but it suffices to simply say that this is an outdated belief that is rarely followed anymore. There is nothing wrong with relatives holding the shower. It's not considered gauche in modern circles.

    The only real rule is that the expectant couple should not throw a shower for themselves.

  7. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    no you are not wrong, the baby shower is for your sister not your mom. no disrespect to her, but she has to accept your sister's feelings about the whole thing, because this day is about her, and that's it.
  8. On October 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
    mupar said:
    Don't do decorations. Just have a baby shower. If you have any decorations, make them not particular to a baby shower. Get some dark pink and some silver balloons and that's all. If you guys can't agree on something, than go with nothing.

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